Bastille Day and I LOURVED it.

Forget marathon day drinking at Newps, it’s all about Fireman’s Balls! Get your mind out of the gutter, they are dance parties put on by the fireman of Paris! Every fire station in the city becomes a dance party complete with men in uniform and free drinks. Sounds like an amazing, unforgettable night right? Yea, well I wouldn’t know. Here’s what went down….

The evening started well, little pregaming in the dorms (just like back in the day and my room is right by the RA. I know, what am I 18 again? Hell nah, still 21 bitches!). We left fashionably late because in Paris, the majority of people don’t even eat until 10 pm and probably go out around 1am, Bastille Day wouldn’t be any different right? Wrong. Apparently you line up for that shit at 8pm. Thanks for the memo, Paris. Ugh, anyway, we couldn’t find the fireman’s balls even though they're huge (that’s what she said) and the lines were about 3 hours long even if we had. Danielle, Christy, Kyndal and I ended up roaming the streets St. Michel. We started bar hopping but clearly ended up at schwarmaaaaa. Mmm mm good.

Photo shoot of how the schwarms makes us feel.

Danielle: like a baller, Christy: like a Gremlin. Schwarma-see, schwarma-d0 Kyndal: A little overwhelmed but always worth it & Kim: feeling of... intimacy (are those tears in my eyes?)



We also stumbled upon the Notre Dame in our late night travels, I have to say being inebriated at a church is quite the experience…and I don’t think I’ve EVER been hit on that much in my life. I’m not really sure what to think about that one, but I made sure not to touch the church or say anything too inappropriate (followed by crude hand gestures) so I wouldn’t completely offend everyone around me in my usual fashion. The night ended fairly anticlimactically, no firemen just lots of girl time and schwarms. I’m not really complaining.

Blurry, like my vision perhaps?

J/k, I was basically sober by then.
Seriously, God. I was.

The next day Christy and I decided to forgo the fireworks AT the Eiffel Tower (we’re crazy, I know) buuut it’s about a 35 minute metro ride (and probably a 3 hour walk) and most metros weren’t running and I’m lazy. Plus we had class at 9am the next day and the show didn’t even start until 11pm and I’m still lazy. Plus it gave me even more reason to come back, (as if I needed more incentive, psh) Anyway, we did wander towards Pont Neuf (a bridge over the Seine) to see the spectacle, I guess I’m not THAT lazy. It was breathtaking even from that far away. We were in the midst of seasoned locals who didn’t want to brave the crowd but did want to celebrate. The banks of the Seine were COVERED with fireworks onlookers, pretty amazing. Not gonna lie it beats sitting at Tustin High or passing out before seeing them.

Pont Neuf Pre-Sunset:

Pont Neuf post-sunset:

The man directly next to us was the epitome of a French old guy (I was surprised he wasn’t in a baree with a striped shirt and a baguette on a bicycle) he keep oohing and aahhing and doing the “hee hee hee ha ha ha” laugh from Little Mermaid. You know, the chef who is trying to cook Sebastian? “Hee hee hee ha haa la poisson, la poisson” La poisson = fish. I’m so glad I finally understand my Disney movies now. Speaking of Disney movie songs, every time I go in a bakery (boulengerie) I want to jump up on the counter and proclaim “Marie. The baguettes. Hurry up”…then jump on a nearby fountain and sing “There goes the baker with his bread like always, another morning just the same!” Clearly reenacting the beginning of Beauty and the Beast. Unfortunately, I don’t have the courage to order food let alone bust out in song and dance…yet. Don’t even get me started on how excited was when I could translate the actual meaning of the Lady Marmalade song. Oh those silly whores…

FIREWORKS:
wayyy cooler in person.

Fireworks setting on my camera
=
Looks like I'm on E

Anyway, the night went well ending with a photo shoot at Hotel de Ville. I was thinking that it was the grandest hotel I’d ever seen, but learned in class today it’s actually city hall.


On Wednesday, Christy and I decided it was time to finally brave the granddaddy of all museums, the Louvre. I set myself up for epic disappointment based on everything I heard, but I was pleasantly surprised. We went on Wednesday after 6pm (as suggested by the brilliant Arthur Frommer), got in free with our faux art history passes (cheating the system baby) and started the trek. We decided not to even pretend like we were just gonna peruse, we had a mission. We started with the Venus de Milo and other sculptures from antiquity. To me, sculpture seems like the hardest art medium, and no not just because it’s stone (pun intended), but because of how they manipulate it. All I want to do is touch it, but that’s a big no no. Rude. This large German man got all up on a statue and I wanted to see the ladies who yell “no flash no flash’ tell him “no touch, no touch” but he not only got to touch the statue but take pictures with it. Sometimes I wish I were a large intimidating German man. But most of the time I don’t.

Venus de Milo:

I wonder if the girl is happy about this or not,
if only she had her head

Looks like a sleeping woman right?

It's actually a sleeping hermaphrodite...

Next we were on a hunt for The Turkish Bath which is supposed to be “an erotic idealized painting of overly friendly women lounging in a very crowded bath” but we couldn’t find it among all the Virgin Mary’s and baby Jesus’s, Jesuses? Jesusi? Whatever the plural is. We did manage to find a suggestive naked woman painted by Ingres…not quite the same as the one were supposed to be seeing, but we’re going to the Erotic Museum on Saturday so I think I’ll be getting enough naked women in one place.

What we THOUGHT was the Turkish Bath until I went home and looked it up:

The real Turkish Bath is basically an orgy.

We also failed at finding The Card Sharper or The Lacemaker (they were on display at other museums) uhhh rude? Didn’t they know we were coming? Couldn’t they take some OTHER paintings? Luckily we managed to find some gems along the way, so I was happy. My brief stint as an Art History minor made it fun to see up close some of the paintings I was supposedly studying during those quarters. We ended with a jaunt by the Winged victory of Samothrace and of course, Mona herself.

Three Graces

Louis XIV. SUN KING aaaand I forgot the other one already. But I recognized it from class...

NAPOLEON BONAPARTE.
I believe this image is now a watch ad.
A hidden gem.
Please try and count all the weird things about this picture.
Beginning with the exposed right breast.
Winged Victory:

Supposedly the Mona Lisa is the biggest disappointment in person, so I was expecting poop on a canvas but it was actually amazing. I barely had to elbow anyone for a front row view (I’m telling you we went at an ideal time). I still don’t totally grasp what sets it so much higher than the others, but I think anything Da Vinci did should be set higher than the others. Plus she’s had a tough life. She was stolen by a Louvre employee in 1911 (he put it under his coat and walked out. Yea, it’s that small) and it was missing until 1913. What was that employee thinking? Was he gonna sell it on ebay? Or hang it above a bathtub? Funny because that was it’s original location when it was owned by Francois I. Oh and she was severely damaged in 1956 when some crazed fanatic threw acid on her. Poor Mona looks good for all she’s been through. And those eyes…she’s got crazy eyes.

Shoddy quality because of the class and distance, buuut

I proudly present:
The Mona Lisa!

All in all, I lourved the Louvre and I lourved the schwarms on Bastille day.

Paris, you are SO cool!

She is mine.
Bahaha.