Versighhhh

A Friday afternoon at the Chateau Versailles. Versighhhh because my feet STILL hurt 4 days later (I actually think I might have a stress fracture FML) and sometimes I wish I was royalty to eat cake all day and wear pretty dresses. I could do without the whole guillotine thing though...

The main gardens of the chateau:

Unreal, I know

First off, I bought a jacket and scrounged up closed toed shoes. Maybe I won’t look like the biggest tool at Versailles in the rain. Yay! Of course, it didn’t rain so we didn’t have to muck around in the mud. And I looked like a dbag in tennis shoes...yay?.

Oh and my first 50 pictures were also corrupted by iPhoto, so these are just a few. Starting with my new BFF...


We started with a tour of Marie Antoinette’s domain aka her Disneyland-esque playground. Louis XVI allowed the Austrian born Marie Antoinette (MA) her own private garden after it became clear she was uncomfortable in the lavish French court. Marie was engaged to Louis’s older brother at age 2 as a “peace treaty” between the ever feuding Austria and France. Her first fiance and future king fell victim to a common Versailles "epidemic" (most likely smallpox) resulting in his early death and her subsequent engagement to the infamous Louis XVI, aka Jason Schwartzman. The older bro ultimately got it better than his little brother. Something tells me smallpox > being kept on house arrest by an angry Parisian mob for 2 + years while you’re put on trial, slandered and hated by all of France and ultimately beheaded to the sound of a cheering crowd. Tough life for the royal family, that’s for sure.

A bust of the cheeky Queen herself...

Like I said before, these gardens were a gift from Louis to MA. The gardens were literally HER domain. You could only go there upon invitation from the queen herself (even the king couldn’t go in without invitation). She could actually let her hair down, spend time with her children and be a normal girl. She was queen from 15-19, she wanted to be a teenager - not ruler of France! Anyway, the fact that it was her “private” domain led to the rumors that ultimately resulted in her beheading. One cartoonist in particular spread rumors that MA was a lesbian with her BFF. He exaggerated accounts of the two of them using a dildo, otherwise known as “an invention of the convent” (dirty little nuns getting freaky). He also implied bestiality and incest with her sons. Bet they didn’t teach you that in high school… During her trial she was accused of manipulating and corrupting her son and husband thereby ruining France and it’s future ruler. ALL of the allegations are completely false (at least have NO proof). In fact, she probably didn’t even have an affair (as portrayed in the movie). She was a good Catholic queen. Her biggest flaws were being a shopaholic and probably TOO naïve. If she’d said, “let them eat cake” in all seriousness because she didn’t know any better. If they can’t afford bread, why not give them a substitute?! Silly Marie. But there’s not even proof that anything like that was even said. More embellished stories. Luckily gossip doesn’t result in beheading too much anymore.

The start of the domain:

Little town...little quiet village...each day, like the one beforeeeee...

Moving on from my rant about Marie and singing Beauty and the Beast… we took about a 2 mile trek (not exaggerating) to the actual gardens and started at the petting zoo. Ok so you couldn’t actually touch the animals but there were so many of them! Little baby sheep, pigs, chickens, horses, giant St. Bernards, bunnies, roosters, etc etc. so fun. From there we went to her dairy and by all these other silly little houses and gazebos built just for MA. She liked “playing peasant” and even had extravagant milk maid dresses made for her. Next we wandered to the Temple of Love and her grotto.

We wanted the sweet house in the background buuuut the pond will do.

See the GIANT dog, those are humans standing by him.

Temple of Love with an angel.

...and a statue.

While the Temple of Love souuuunds interesting...snore. The statue wasn't even remotely provacative and she probably didn't really even have an affair. The grotto was actually the most fascinating area of her domain (in my opinion). It’s this little damp cave hidden in the heart of her gardens. It was the one place she used to be alone. Actually, it’s where she was hiding when the Revolution broke out and, eventually though the mob forced the king and queen to the Tuileries Palace in Paris (inside Paris of the suburbs outside it). The grotto was dark, wet, and cold. I don’t know why anyone would spend extended amounts of time in there. Plus I can’t manage her maneuvering it in her dresses.

On my way into the grotto.

I wanted to be saucy like MA

Next up we saw her theatre (she really did like to perform for people) and, of course, her own little house. It was charming and simple. Much simpler and homier than the grand Versailles palace…

INSERT PICTURES HERE.

HER HOUSE.

HER THEATRE.

OH WAIT, THEY WERE CORRUPTED.

COOL.

After the 3 hour trek around the gardens, we schlepped BACK to the main palace for a 2 hour tour of the inside. And Versailles is NOT a small place. Versailles should really invest in a monorail, the tram is sweet but Disneyland still got you beat. Oh and our program was too cheap to take the tram aka forced us to walk everywhere (and didn't feed us!) RUDE.

The Versailles Palace was initially just a hunting chateau for the king when he had a free weekend. Louis XIV (the sun king and probably France’s best king. That’s 14th NOT 16th the one who was beheaded aka Jason Schwartzman) had a very traumatic childhood IN Paris so he wanted to move OUT of it to keep himself safe. He was only 4 when there was a pseudo revolution, knon as the Fronde (translated as “slingshot), broke out with support of the nobles, who were loyal to the highest bidder Anyway, he became king at age 5 when his father died and as soon as his regent, Mazarin, died, he moved out to Versailles. He reigned for 77 years, the longest in French history. He never forgot the duplicity of the nobles and very cleverly dealt with them.

He had an apartment built for the nobles and you could only live there if he invited you. He established a social norm that you were only “someone” in nobility if you were invited to Versailles to drink and gamble. Not getting invited or not attending was social suicide. The Sun King’s ulterior motive was to keep all those who could potentially plot against him right under his nose…and he took all their money with gambling (in turn, they even asked HIM for loans to keep gambling). Hey nobles...OWNED. And to keep the people from spreading rumors (his ill-fated great-grandson should have taken notes) he made it mandatory that he be watched all day long. Ya, even when he was dropping the kids off at the pool he had an audience. Sounds intrusive, but it worked. He was a G.

The only thing in Versailles that wasn't sold on peasant e-bay during the Revolution:

Sweet wall paper. I bet MA picked it out.
Some wall. I lost track of specifics.

SUN KING: So clever little Louis XIV was obsessed with the sun because of it's symbolism, the earth revolves around it, yada yada yada...sun = you're the center of the universe (As every king should be. Esp. France) Anyway, the sun also meant symbolism of Roman gods (Neptune, Venus, Mecury...all planets and gods...get it now?!) So every room leading up to his chamber was a depiction of a different Roman/ Greek god. It was pretty sick until Louis XIV had a picture of himself painted as a roman god type. We're talking toga and grapes and looking questionably homosexual. Weird man, stick to the pompous pictures where you're wearing a cape and heels. Much more manly.

Very hetero...
naaahht.

I didn't snap a picture of the toga picture.
I was too busy trying to stay awake during the tour.
Such a long day.

Lastly, the epic HALL OF MIRRORS is created facing the West so that when the sun sets on August something (the exact date correates with the suns position in the universe) right when it dips to the horizon the entire hall is emblazoned with glorious light. Sounds craaaazy sweet, but I'm guessing it blinded a few people over the years. Sorry I can't remember specifics, it was a lot to take in on one day!

So I finally got the courage to take a cheeseball picture of myself...

And that BEEZY had to ruin it.

View from the Hall:

While I want to continue raving about all the different rooms in Versailles, as I think about them I get tired again. I'll end with some fabulous pictures of the gardens, look closely at the sky. No photoshop, I swear!

BEHOLD...VERSAILLES!

Lastly...the glamor shot...
Ok so I'm haggard. Do you get HOW tiring this day was yet?
And FYI, I was TRYING to look like I have a mane.
Or something like that.
Oh and that's the sweet house I didn't get in the other picture above.